Listening is something we all do every day, sometimes effectively and sometimes not. When we are “listening” to other people while multitasking, looking at something else, or thinking about what we are going to do later, the quality of the interaction is diminished.

Leadership expert and author Susan Scott says that people often think the opposite of talking is waiting to talk. “Many think that not speaking when someone is talking is the same as listening,” said Scott. “Hearing people’s words is only the beginning.”1

Each time we are in a conversation, we have the opportunity to listen. In doing so, we learn something about someone else and about ourselves. Good listening can help strengthen our relationships, understand other people’s points of view, and bring us closer together. Failure to listen can do the opposite.

The great news is with some intention and practice, listening is a skill you can hone and continue improving. Here are a few things you can do to help refine your listening skills:

  1. Bring your full attention. Be nowhere else and put down your electronics.
  2. Do what you can to withhold judgment or commentary regarding what the speaker is saying.
  3. Seek to understand, and ask questions that clarify and establish rapport.
  4. Be open to people and try not to second guess what they are about to say.
  5. Work towards developing empathy for the speaker.
  6. Provide encouragement.

If you happen to find your mind wandering or thinking about what you want to say next:

  • Check in with yourself.
  • Pay attention to the sensations in your body.
  • Notice and acknowledge your internal chatter.
  • Try not to judge the chatter and then let go.
  • Bring your attention back to the person as you would with your breath in meditation.

The more closely we learn to listen, with our whole bodies and senses, the more likely we are to connect with people, help them feel heard and seen, and understand what they are trying to communicate.

1: Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott